Events

Is a child’s self esteem a big deal? Does it have any impact on their safety?

While there’s nothing we can do to guarantee the safety of our children we can give their
safety a boost by helping to build their self-esteem.

Children with a healthy self-esteem are:

 – less likely to be targeted by those seeking to bully or abuse them;
 – more likely to resist inappropriate behaviour or abuse; and
 – more likely to disclose what’s going to a trusted adult.

You can help boost your child’s self esteem by:

– Ensuring they feel loved and valued;
– Taking an active interest in them;
– Appreciating their unique qualities and talents;
– Giving them genuine praise; and
– Constructively guiding them when correction is needed.

Remember children spell love T I M E.

Can the most common “safety” message actually be dangerous for your child?

It’s concerningly the most common safety message, however Stranger Danger doesn’t serve
our children well in protecting them from harm. By directing both our and their attention
to strangers as a source of potential danger we’re ignoring the far greater safety risk,
from people they know.
Most young children don’t actually know what a stranger is – they often imagine a creepy
looking guy with a black coat and sometimes even an eye patch. This probably isn’t a bad
thing when you consider that otherwise we’d be encouraging them to be fearful of all people
they don’t know – what a scary world that would be!

The stranger danger message also prevents children accessing help from people they don’t know
in a personal emergency when you’re not around.

For safety messages we should be teaching our children visit childsafety.org.au

How often have you expected affection from a child against their will?

‘C’mon darling, give grandma a kiss.’ ‘Give Uncle Frank a hug.’
This type of affection is often viewed a courtesy with relatives and close
family friends, but it sends a very dangerous message to children – that it’s
okay for adults to demand their affection.

With child sexual abuse impacting almost 30% of Australian children, this is
something we all need to be aware of.

Children should be taught their body belongs to them and it is up to them to
choose with whom they share affection. Options to hugs and kisses include a high
five, a wave, knuckles, shaking hands and even a verbal exchange ‘Hi Grandma!’.

For more information about how to help keep your children safe,
visit childsafety.org.au.

When was the last time you told someone the positive difference they’ve made in your life?

This gesture can have a profound positive impact on the person you are acknowledging,
as often they’re unaware of the difference they’ve made. It can boost their self esteem,
validate their efforts and encourage them to keep helping others. The flow on effect can
change our community and our world.

Think of three people who have made a difference to you and reach out to them. This might
be through a phone call, a text message, an email, or even a letter or a card. Share with
them what they did, and the positive impact it’s had on your life.

To amplify the impact, role model this process for the children in your life and encourage
them to do the same.

Do you know how what to do if you suspect a child is being abused?

Child abuse and neglect is a serious social problem in Australia impacting upwards
of 550,000 children each year. Sadly 1 in 5 adults lack the confidence to know what
to do if they suspected a child was abused or neglected.

If you suspect a child is experiencing harm, or is at risk of experiencing harm,
contact Child Safety Services through your local regional intake service or by
telephoning 1800 177 135.

If you believe a child is in immediate danger or in a life threatening situation,
contact the police immediately via Triple Zero.

You may be the only person who will advocate for a child in need. Please help to
protect our most precious Australians.

Is there really any harm in telling a child to keep a secret?

One of the most effective weapons used by child sex offenders is secrecy. Children are often threatened by their perpetrator of the dire consequences for them, their family and even the perpetrator if the child were to disclose their “secret”.  As a result less than 10 percent of child sexual abuse victims disclose the abuse at the time it is occurring.

To counter this danger we need to teach children there are two types of secrets – safe and unsafe. Safe secrets generally make us feel happy and excited and there is generally a time when the secret is revealed to all. Unsafe secrets generally make us feel sad, angry, confused or embarrassed. Children need to know unsafe secrets should always be told to a trusted adult.

How likely are you to listen to a child if they told you they were being harmed?

One third of adults in Australia would not believe a child if they disclosed they were being sexually abused. This is a particularly concerning statistic considering the prevalence of child sexual abuse – impacting almost a third of children.  

Disclosing abuse takes a tremendous amount of courage for the child and how well it is handled directly impacts the child’s trust in adults as well as their ongoing safety and wellbeing.  A poorly handled disclosure will often result in a child claiming the abuse didn’t happen, which sadly leads many adults to believe children make up stories of abuse. Research tells us this rarely happens.

If a child shares a story of abuse: take them seriously, listen to them and believe them. Then do everything you can to keep the child safe.

Can we protect our children while still allowing them to enjoy fun activities?

Sometimes when we think about safety risks facing our children we want to wrap them in cotton wool and monitor their every movement.  One way we can ensure children have freedom to enjoy everyday activities as well as to keep safe is to put in place “safety steps”.

For example, safety steps when going for a bike ride might include wearing a helmet, riding on a bike path, going with a friend and letting an adult know where they’re going and when they’ll be home.

While safety steps for play date might include knowing how to get help if they feel unsafe or having a contingency in place such as phoning a parent with a code word.

Talk to your children about how to make their everyday activities more safe by putting in place “safety steps”.

People treat us how we let them. So how do we stop unacceptable behaviour?   

Teaching children to expect respect from themselves and others is an important step to building a healthy self esteem and to keeping safe. We can do this by assisting children to set boundaries of unacceptable behaviour and discussing steps they could take if people “cross the line” of acceptable behaviour.

It’s also important to teach children the importance of showing others respect and how they can do this.

Consider setting rules of acceptable behaviour at home or in the classroom to ensure boundaries are readily identified and agreed consequences are consistently enforced when a rule is broken. For best results, develop rules and consequences in consultation with children.

Being assertive is a great way to develop healthy relationships and to nip harmful behaviour in the bud.

It involves taking ownership of our feelings and expressing ourselves in a way that demonstrates self respect as well as respect for others. It can sound like: I feel upset… because you’re not listening to me… I would like you to listen to what I’m saying without interrupting.. What do you think?

We can help our children to develop assertiveness skills by: role modelling assertive communication, praising children when they’re being assertive and providing gentle correction when they aren’t by discussing how they might transform passive, passive aggressive or aggressive communication into a more assertive approach.

A real concern for this generation of children is a lack of resilience.

Well-meaning adults are all too often removing opportunities for children to experience the normal disappointments and challenges in life such as not winning a race, completing homework without assistance and resolving a falling out with a friend.

Resist the temptation to rescue and instead allow your child the opportunity to problem solve and to learn for themselves the consequences of poor decisions, such as leaving that Science project to the last minute. 

These types of situations present excellent character-building experiences, where invaluable life lessons are learnt and help to build a child’s resilience and independence. 

Have you ever wondered what to teach your children to reduce the risk of sexual abuse?

One of the most powerful messages for children is to know the rules about their private parts.

It’s not okay for anyone to:

• touch or look at their private parts
• to make them touch or look at someone else’s private parts; or
• to show them rude pictures, or take photos of their private parts.

If someone breaks these rules, children should be taught to tell the person “Stop!” or “No, that’s not allowed!”, to go to a safe place and to tell an adult they trust. They should be encouraged to persist in telling until they are believed and feel safe again.

Knowing the correct names of their private parts will ensure children aren’t misunderstood when disclosing abusive situations.

Looking for a great way to boost your children’s safety and confidence?    

Assist them to develop a Safety Network, of at least five trusted adults who they can approach if they feel unsafe or have a problem. 

Children should be encouraged to select network members they trust, who are available and who will listen to them, believe them and help them when needed. Safety Network Members may include a parent, a teacher, a friend’s parent, a neighbour, a relative who doesn’t live with them or a coach.

A Safety Network is more likely to be effective if network members understand their role. It’s a great idea for children to approach potential network members to explain their role and to gain their agreement before they become part of the child’s Safety Network.

Teaching children to recognise when they don’t feel safe can help boost their safety.

Our bodies tell us when we don’t feel safe through ‘early warning signs’ such as butterflies in our tummy, hair standing on end, sweaty palms and wobbly knees. We can feel early warning signs when it’s fun to feel scared, like going on a roller coaster or watching a scary movie. We can feel early warning signs when it’s not fun but we know we’re in control, like before a classroom presentation or a big exam or sometimes when we go to the dentist.

We can also feel early warning signs when it’s not fun but we have no control. These situations are personal emergencies, such as being lost in a shopping centre or being hurt by someone they know. In a personal emergency it’s important for children to go to a safe place and to tell an adult they trust until they feel safe again.

Ever wondered what to teach children about strangers?

While known people present a far more likely threat to their safety, children should be aware of some key information about strangers to help keep them safe.

Children should be taught to avoid accepting gifts, money or going anywhere with someone they don’t know, or approaching a car driven by someone they don’t know. If a child is unsure, they should use the ‘Safety Checklist – 1. Do I feel safe with this person; 2. Does a trusted adult know where I am? And 3. Can I get help if I need it? One no, don’t go.

Children should also be taught how and when to report any suspicious people or vehicles. Depending on the situation these details should be reported to police via Triple Zero if time critical or to Policelink on 131 444 for less urgent situations.

Have you ever lost your child in a public place?

Parents and carers can minimise this common risk facing young children by being prepared and offering children some simple steps.

When you arrive at a busy public space it’s a good idea to work out a meeting place in case they become lost.

If they do become lost children should first stop, stand tall and look around for their parent or carer, calling out their name.

If the parent or carer isn’t found after a couple of minutes, the child should go to the prearranged meeting place.

If they can’t find it, the time has come to seek help. Children are encouraged to approach a shop assistant, security guard, police officer or a parent with children who makes them feel safe.

Children should know their parents name to assist in summonsing them. They should also be encouraged to stay in the public space rather than go to a private area to wait.

How do we prepare children to be safe without scaring them?   

Many parents hold grave fears for the safety of their children, often focussing their attention on threats posed by strangers rather than the much more likely threats by known people. As a result well-meaning parents can fall into the trap of transmitting this fear to their children, which sadly does more harm than good.

We should instead aim to prepare rather than scare children. We can encourage them to listen to their early warnings signs, and if they don’t feel safe, encourage them to go to a safe place and tell an adult they trust.

Children should be taught the simples rules about their private parts to understand what is wrong and reportable behaviour.

When children are taught these skills in a positive, confidence-building manner they are much more likely to feel and be safe.

Has your child ever been bullied?

Bullying is a significant safety concern for many children, with over a quarter of Year 4 to 9 students being bullied at least every few weeks.

Parents, teachers and children all have a role to play in developing an anti-bullying culture where strategies are put into place to make it socially unacceptable to bully or to witness bullying without take action.

The majority of incidents, whether online or in person are witnessed by others. Encouraging bystanders to intervene, either directly or indirectly can have a huge impact in developing this anti-bullying culture. Bystander actions may include standing up for the child being bullied or reporting the incident to a parent or teacher.

Together we can make a difference.

Are we focussing our attention on the right type of stranger?

While we’re often concerned about the danger posed by strangers, many parents are unaware the greatest likelihood of a stranger approaching a child is online. A recent study indicated that 1 in 4 Australian children aged 8 – 17 had been contacted online by a stranger in the previous year.

Parents are encouraged to be aware of what their child is doing online and who they’re chatting with.

Some simple tips for children include:

• Avoid posting photos of themselves or sharing personal information, such as their name, address, phone number or school. User names also shouldn’t give away any of this information;
• Never arrange a face to face meeting with someone they’ve chatted with, without a parent’s knowledge and approval; and
• Tell a parent or another trusted adult if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe while online

A simple way to maximise the safety of your children is to create a supportive environment.

We can do this through open communication and positive role-modelling.

Children are more likely to open up and share their thoughts, feelings and concerns if open and effective communication is maintained, underpinned by love, respect, understanding and acceptance.

Children learn to communicate and handle challenges by watching trusted adults, such as parents and teachers, who demonstrate skills such as problem solving, assertiveness, handling conflict and disappointment, managing anger and expressing love and affection. Through positive role modelling we can help children to develop these important life skills.